Troubled waters. (TW: stalking)

Unfortunately that weird guy A has struck again. The only place left for him to try to get to me is my Facebook profile, so he’s messaged me on that again.

I’m pretty sure he knows what sort of an impact that has on me.

We are all frightened. This guy found our address from nowhere and managed to send us a letter. We used to be bombarded by calls, texts, emails and IMs from him. Now he sends us one message, and I’m left dealing with all the fallout.

Fourteen is scared. She wants the Dutchman, she wants safety, and she wants to never hear from him again. Fifteen is having trouble concentrating and she’s feeling panicky a lot- she had a stalker who threatened all sorts of horrible things on her, so she’s feeling pretty frightened. Nineteen wants to go after him with a sledgehammer and make him regret scaring the younger ones, and I?

I’m kind of swimming in all these feelings, plus a general feeling of deepĀ  unease.

I thought that messaging his girlfriend and telling her what was going on would stop all of this, but she is as unconcerned and reactionless as you could imagine. She is so beaten down by his constant straying, his petty cruelties and his lack of kindness, that she genuinely doesn’t seem to be able to bring herself to feel scared or upset. The thing that raised eyebrows with us is the fact that she would only be hurt if he left her.

 

I said those words about my abusive ex all the time.

 

So now I have confirmation, at least in my eyes, that she is also being abused. I told her that she had no reason to justify his bad behaviour, and that none of it was on her. I hope she realises that he is hurting her and manages to leave.

At any rate, if I do get another message… I am hot-footing it to the police. I have copies of what he’s said to me, so hopefully I will have a case.

That is, if the police in my area have any money left to do anything.

This piece of writing really got to me. (TW for mentions of rape and abuse)

So, it’s been a while since I last posted, but it is luckily due to me being very happy, balanced, and stable. I should have known that this is how it would be with the Dutchman. He is a positive influence, a bright spark. I’m always being asked if I’m ok with whatever we are doing, and he takes care of my anxiety quite often by telling me I can conquer it, that I’m amazing. It helps immensely to have him with me. He boosts my confidence.

Ok, trigger warning! The piece of text I’m writing about talks about rape prevention and how bullshitty it is, and about how men don’t do anything to prevent themselves from being assaulted… Yet, somehow, women have to. Stay safe everyone. I also briefly mention my abusive ex, but not for long.

What I wanted to talk about today was this, however. This piece of text was on a social media site I’m on, and I had to read it a good few times. It is true. I used to do all those things on the list- thumb over the bottle neck at parties, sticking with a friend when out, walking down the road with my keys in my fist- never once realising that the real danger lurked behind my door at home.

I wonder what would happen if men had to walk the street in fear like that, jumping at shadows, at a second pair of footsteps behind? What if they had to watch their drink in a pub, looking out for weird people hovering near their table? I wonder how they would feel if they constantly, constantly had eyes in the back of their heads?

That will never happen.