Today I woke exhausted despite sleeping well, nervous and anxious despite nothing happening, and apathetic despite the fact there are good people to care for me. I’m really struggling with food, and I don’t want to leave the house.
The problem with keeping on trying to function whilst feeling like this is it wrecks you slowly. You struggle to concentrate. You have the attention span of a flea. You’re tired all the time… And you have just stopped being manic, you all you can do is feel inadequate because a week ago you were buzzing, able to do anything at all. Now you’re just crawling through life and death seems a pleasant rest.
Suicidal thoughts are partly a warning and partly because I just want a break from life. I am so glad that next week is half term. I can just flop and I don’t have to feel guilty. No obligations. I can just sleep.