Ok, Universe, this isn’t funny. J really wants to see me, so why is everything going wrong for him that possibly could be?!
It’s been one thing after the next for him. I hate being so far away because he’s stressed and has nothing to take his mind off what’s going on. I feel stupid and inadequate being so far away, and I can’t do anything to help at all. All I can do is listen, and it doesn’t feel good enough.
Maybe one day something good will come along, but right now all I’m seeing is one big fucking obstacle after another and all I want to do is HELP, and I can’t. I think this is partially due to stress on my part too, but I feel overloaded right now, and I just wish it was all back to how it was in America on holiday- simple, uncomplicated and fun. I had my little freakouts and they got managed with patience. J had a blast because he was relaxed and with all of us, and he’s a social creature by nature. He loves chilling out and spending time laughing with our family. He prefers the company of people like us, with his sense of humour and with similar tastes.
Right now we’re trapped miles away from each other with things happening that neither of us can control- stuff’s not working right for him, and for me?
Nightmares, insomnia, and a desperate wish to just see him and hold him and tell him it WILL be all right, because I will make it all right.
Right now, frustration is all I have. I just want him to be happy.