I’m hoping this is the way the PTSD is making me interpret this, but I’ve had an argument with my mum that’s made me really upset. I was trying to tell her that I feel like I have no time during the day for downtime- you know, the stuff that’s essential for me to feel less anxious and more in control? I’m upset that she thinks my three week holiday was all downtime and that my stay with J was downtime too. I fight my head on a daily basis and try to stay positive – she doesn’t see that I think. I have something serious- but then again, with a broken back, mum was still unhappy when I’d get through tendus and still be in agony and have to sit down.
Part of it is, I’m sure, desire to see me get better, but she was so disappointed in me today that I feel like some of it is because she can’t see how hard I’m working to stay normal. It makes me want to cry.