WARNING- I get descriptive about the times I could not say no to sex. Please keep safe- don’t read if you’re triggered. x
So I follow this lady because she wins at life on so many levels. I agree with her on a lot of topics, but this particular article hit the nail on the head.
A lot of the time, in my relationship with my ex, I was exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually. I really did not want sex, but I felt compelled to let it happen whenever he fancied it. I’d retreat to the jungle in my head and hide there, searching for the elusive jaguar that lived there, until he was done. My body would fake that I was ok so nothing worse happened.
The resounding lack of no was not just a product of being in a relationship with a frightening sociopath: it was a result of conditioning.
I’d read in the Bible as a kid that women were their men’s property, but had had this laughed down by my ever-feminist mother. “That happened in the olden days,” she’d say, “it doesn’t happen now.”
Thing is, purity culture crept right in, along with the other things that conditioned me into keeping my mouth shut. There’s an unwritten rule in most Christian teaching that runs as follows: honour thy husband with thy body, and God help you if you say no because that’s your fucking duty. Lie there and take it because HE OWNS YOU.
It’s everywhere, it creeps into so many teen ‘bible study’ books and bible guides that we shouldn’t be surprised when we understand why, for a lot of women who are Christian or once were, they can’t say no for the life of them.
Good job my man isn’t Christian, and believes that my consent is sexy.