Again, I find myself terrified to sleep. The nightmares are back with a vengeance. The other night, I dreamt about my ex, again, making me do all sorts of horrible stuff I didn’t consent to.
I’m trying not to let the nightmares win, but I climb into bed and fight to keep my eyes open. I want to sleep, I really do, but there is no way that when I sleep, I won’t have a nightmare.
I want to be able to cuddle the puppy, although she’s quite a big girl now! Thing is, she’s solid and warm and reliable, and makes wonderful snorty-groany noises when she’s tired and settling down to nap on your knee. Just having her near makes me feel calmer.
I’m also going sober for October, but I’m donating the money to a local women’s refuge. They’re being shut down across the country, and I want to help. I want to extend protection to those who have literally none, because the minute they go home, he will be there to make their lives a living hell again. Shelters save lives. That’s a fact.
I’m going to attempt to sleep now, I hope that my sleep app will help. Just please let there not be any more nightmares.