I keep cutting myself. I’ve cut my wrist again, my legs are a mess, I feel like a fake. I can’t hang on til Thursday! I don’t know what to do about anything again. I don’t want to keep existing in this dissociated mess, and I can’t think of a way all of this can get better without me really fucking up everything for everyone I know- my family, my friends, J, anyone else who knows me.
Anxiety fills me up again. Dissociation hits, and then I feel dizzy and I’m reaching in my pocket for my blades and wishing that I could stop my hand moving, but it moves anyway and then there’s blood and I STILL can’t feel anything. Numbness sets in and I let it wash over me.
I don’t know where I will end up. I have no clue.