It’s happened. I am back where I was in August last year.
I am numb and apaaathetic. I want to shut my eyes and wink out of existence. The voices want me to cut and I can’t think of a single reason left not to. Self harm might keep me alive or it might not. The dark passenger is thirsty for my life and wants to drink it all down.
J is depressed so I can’t talk to him. My family think that this morning I am fine. My friends don’t need this shit so I won’t be telling them either.
Ok, so when I do die, I’m leaving the earth with nothing good behind me name and a string of failures to my name. The dark passenger is ravenous. I lose my appetite, it gains weight and strength feeding off my pain.
I hate this. I hate being here and giving in, but it’s the only option left. I’ve tried everything else.
Mum and dad, sis, J- I love you, and I’m sorry. Bear that in mind when I die.