This is something my amazing friend just wrote to me. I feel like she has just thrown me a life raft whilst I’m fighting to keep my head above the waves. Thanks so much ❤
Just read your blog. Things you haven’t ruined: This friendship, I love you for who you are, regardless of what is going on in your life and always will. I knew the girl before all this and even if you never fully get to be her again I still love you, even more, because I still see her in you, still love all the same things about you that I used to but there’s more. There’s an incredibly brave woman now too, who’s dealt with so much and is still dealing with demons but still manages to be there for me. I am so proud of you, for every day you face, whether you feel like quitting or not because you haven’t. And as for J, he met you at your lowest and still loves you so much. You don’t have to deserve him. You do, but that’s not the point. He loves you because he can see the real you, scars and all. And if you want to look at it from a point a deserving let’s look at it from his. He could be thinking ‘I’m approaching 40, I’ve not got a reliable job cause I work in a creative industry where being paid at all or on time is stupidly rare. Yet I have this funny, kind, incredibly talented and beautiful girlfriend who I currently can’t afford to go and visit and I don’t deserve.’
The second thing you’ve not ruined if your fight. Because you are not under a bus, in front of train or at the bottom of a lake. You are brave and strong and face every day even when you feel you can’t. I am so proud of you for fighting. Sure some people have cars and houses and children but chances are they haven’t been to hell and back like you have. Surviving that is a measure of huge success in itself, and keeping on living and fighting every day is an achievement that beats all those hands down, to me anyway.