TW: PTSD dreams suck.

I just woke up from yet another dream where I’m worthless and violated as those pictures I posted the other day. I’m curled up on the couch at the moment, desperately trying not to fall asleep again. I don’t want the dream coming back.

It was him but he was pretending he saw nothing wrong in the things he’d just done to me, and I wasn’t supposed to “put this on” him. How can I not!!?? He wasn’t listening again, deaf to me and my protests. Deaf to my tears and my pain.

This morning I really want J, ironically enough. I want him here for a hug, and to let me know it will all be ok, baby. I miss being able to wake up and know he is there, just in case something bad is happening in the prison of my mind. Right now he is hopefully sleeping, so I can’t just pick up the phone. I did drop him a quick message, but he hasn’t answered, seeing as it’s late where he is.

I am so tired. I just want to sleep. That’s all I want. Can some part of my life not be tainted with this horror!?

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8 comments on “TW: PTSD dreams suck.

  1. I’m having really trippy dreams right now and sometimes clutch a holding cross like a big scared wrinkly baby with a wooden rattle when i turn out the lights. It feels nice in the hand and sometimes helps me to watch the dreams like a movie instead of believing them to be real.

    Hang on in there honey x

  2. Marty says:

    Yes, dreams are somewhat off the chart, hard to impact dreams while sleeping. I used to wake up and fret I had done something in my dream, so real, I thought consequences were coming.

    The way to improve from this point is to work on letting go, staying present during our waking hours. My dreams started to subside when I was able to let go of the thoughts, focus on the breath and realize that thoughts have no power.

    C-PTSD just has the switch to our amygdala for a while, our center for defense, misfires from old trauma events.

    You can heal and you have developed skills surviving. No one ever told me I would have my willpower and skills to survive at my whim to use to live life.

    My childhood abuse destroyed my life for decades, however after healing my life opened up and offered me a chance to support others on this journey.

    Healing is subtle and slow at first. Good luck.

    Marty

    • I am trying to learn how to wake myself up if I have a bad dream. So far that’s going well, but I was told yesterday by my therapist that she will help me to try and get rid of them altogether. πŸ™‚ x

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