I was bored today and flicking through posts on Buzzfeed- and this cropped up.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I endured each and every one of these whilst I was with my ex. I remember feeling unwanted, degraded and stupid a lot of the time when these things happened. I remember wishing to disappear a lot of the time when these things happened to me, especially when I would be trying to have a serious conversation and all he would say is “I love you”, over and over again, interrupting me so I had no chance to finish what I was saying and no choice but to give up my story.
Sometimes, every little thing he did would annoy and frighten me in equal measure. I used to dream about being able to do the housework alone, without him coming in and getting me to work on his stupid essay when the kitchen was a stinking mess. I used to hate how I felt, because surely that meant that he was right about me all along, and that I was a bad girlfriend.
This is of course, wrong. I wasn’t a bad girlfriend. I was trying to fix up my kitchen so that we could prepare food on clean surfaces, or I was trying to explain to him why I believed intellectual idea X was wrong. All he had to do was either help with the kitchen or leave me be, or listen to my point of view. That sort of thing.
Instead, I was completely ignored. As usual.
I have expressed my anger with him before, but it’s these little things that wore me down. These are the things that eventually stop you from saying no; from standing up for yourself; from actually being aware that bad things are on the horizon.
And, of course, just like the stupid article says, after a while it doesn’t matter any more. You’re there because you “love him”.
What a bunch of balls.
That article lists things that stripped me from my ideas, opinions, self-worth and freedom. Some things on that list, he felt about me, and others I felt about him, but that in no way denotes that we were in a “comfortable” relationship.
Unless, of course, your idea of “comfortable” is actually abuse, masquerading happily as a functioning relationship.