I was in the shower yesterday when I got a set of three unwanted callers- that’s right folks, the dark passenger was back and smarting with it’s earlier defeat at the hands of J. The voices proceeded to let me know what a whore I was, how awful I was, what a stupid bitch I was for believing that J truly cared for me- the list went on. I argued back a lot, telling them where to get off, but they kept wanting me to pick up a razor, get hold of the blades and make a mess of myself.
Eventually, when I was feeling awful, I snapped. I got angry.
I squared up to them and told them the following- “We’re not having this conversation. I’m going to be happy and I don’t give a damn what you think.”
After that I slammed a door on them, hard, in my head, and I let them just bash against the door in my head.
The image of that door is very important to me. It is blocking them from talking to me- but more than that, it means that I am still very capable of fighting them alone.
ALONE. Without shrinks or medicine.
It proves to me that there is a power in me I am starting to learn to control, and I will one day beat them forever.