Guess who woke up with her boxing gloves on today?
I decided to ring the psychiatrist back and explain how sad and angry I was. Luckily, I got through on the second ring to the consultant’s secretary.
“Hi, I’m just ringing because I’ve recently been to an appointment here and I’ve been thinking about it a lot…”
The secretary was lovely. She listened carefully to my concerns about my diagnosis, the time between appointments, and my desire to get an appointment with the psychologist. She was polite and understanding, and immediately took my number so she could talk to the consultant and then ring me back. She asked me if I had been referred to secondary care psychology, and I said that I had. She assured me she would get back to me as soon as she could.
That in itself was pretty good, so I gave myself a tick for being assertive and arguing my corner. I had a nice rest of my day: my dog is really sick now but he is so up for cuddles still, and I managed to get him to eat something today. I talked through the whole situation with my mum, who is of the firm opinion that I just need talk therapy, and she always has been.
I went out with my mum and sister to the dance school my mum owns, and Ive had a great time teaching the children here. They’re bright and hopeful and innocent, and it makes me so happy to teach such uncomplicated souls. I feel protective over them, and as a result I only ever raise my voice to them if they need it. I am determined that in their dancing lives they should feel capable and not knocked down. I want these children to have good self esteem and good self confidence, something which the voices have tried to drive out of me.
I was in the middle of explaining a point of technique when my phone went off. I ran to check what the number was, and was surprised to find that it was listed as private. Hope welled in me- perhaps this was the psychiatrist! I asked my mum to quickly take over for me, and she did so as I left the room to answer the phone.
It was the lovely secretary again. She had talked to the consultant and he had agreed to take over my care. He agreed that it was too long in between appointments to leave me, and I would be sent a letter detailing when I would be seen. Also, she had asked about the progress of the psychology and it turned out that my letter had been dictated today, to be sent on Monday. I should hear back from them within two weeks.
Apparently, if you ask politely but firmly, and insist you need something different, people are inclined to listen.
I am so proud of myself for doing this, and so grateful to all of you here, my parents and sister, and of course J, for all your support, advice, sympathy, encouragement and help. You are truly a crisis team all by yourselves, and I want each one of you who reads my blog to feel proud of yourselves too. Without your backing, I would be so much less than I am today.
The voices are pathetic at the minute. I think they are scared of all of us.
They’d better be.