Today, I am tired. Today, I feel uneasy and lost. I feel like I’m floating in that fog, dazed and confused, and what little light there is throws up distorted reflections of my own shadow.
I’m really missing my American, too. I want an embrace from him. I wish I could be next to him, but there’s miles and miles separating us, so I have to be alone. I feel on days like this that I overestimated how long my good mood of the previous day or two would last, and now I’m limping on with just a flagging sense of willpower left.
Maybe I should try talking. Maybe I should go and do something. Maybe I should stop thinking about me and start being less selfish. Oh, that was sneaky- thanks for that, dark passenger.
I don’t think I should. I’m always complaining about the inner contents of my head. The people around me are definitely starting to get impatient. I’m supposed to be better by now, so maybe I should stop pitying myself and get the fuck on with killing myself.
Again, thanks for that, dark passenger. You really know how to make a girl feel special.
Maybe I will always have this in my head. If so, and I find out that is the case after the 9th, what is left for those who know me but more pain?
I’m really stuck today. I knew my weekend was a brief island. Back to the storm of everyday life.
I want dawn to break, or to drown if that’s not possible. Just stop throwing me ropes that break, life, please.
It’s more than a little cruel.