I have had a very dissociated day today. I woke up feeling ok, but had a big struggle in the shower with the female voice. She was saying the same things as usual- ” who are you getting so clean for you little whore, your customers?” – so I told my mum about it when I got out. She’s great at making me laugh, and I wasn’t doing too badly when I got to my volunteer shift at the mother and toddler group.
In fact, I was actually doing pretty well and having a lot of fun when bam!- out of nowhere, I didn’t exist. It kept coming in ten second bursts, getting worse until I realised at one point I was standing still and had been for the last thirty seconds. I kept twitching too, for no apparent reason, and I wasn’t even feeling scared…
I suspect this is yet another part of my symptoms. I have also been having problems with speaking properly and getting my words out, and completely forgetting words to normal, everyday objects. It’s irritating, and it happens when I’m having a subconscious battle with the voices, or if I’m distressed.
I also rang the psychiatrist – apparently I am going to get my reassessment appointment as soon as I have gone through “the system”. What system? The slow one!? I thought my referral was meant to be urgent, a priority.
I will keep ringing until I get an answer.