Today is bad. I feel so down, so insecure, and I feel like the voices are here in my head to stay. I am so so tired, and I feel like today I want to sleep forever. I can’t get my words to make sense. I keep saying weird things and writing weird things, like the words don’t get out right. I just want my head to end. I want this insecurity to go. I want my life to get going again. I am tired of pain and suffering, and tired of feeling up one day and down the next.
I don’t like panic attacks. I hate feeling like I’m always a problem. I hate feeling like I can’t talk to anyone about the contents of my head.
I rang the psychiatrist’s offices today, and they said they didn’t have my referral yet. So I had to ring up the psychologists’ and ask them where it was, because they said they had sent it on Monday. I can’t keep fighting like this. I need help, and it seems like at the minute I’m reaching out my hands and there are no answers.
When do I get them? Why can’t I trust properly? Why am I always frightened?
I’ve truly had enough. I just want to hold J close and forget about the world and the voices, and I want my happiness to descend again.