thank you, and a huge box unpacked

Thank you all so much for your support- today I realised I had 100 followers! Amazing…

 

So last night I was talking to my auntie. She means a lot to me- she has been there for me since I admitted I was depressed way back in May. I had an amazing tea with her, and she helped me talk about how I was feeling back when I was finding communication impossible. Last night was no exception. She wanted me to talk about the psychologist… so I did.

I told her pretty much everything and then I got to the bit with the flashbacks, and needing to see a specialist. Telling her about the voices was easy, but she wanted to know why I might be seeing a specialist.

So, we went into a different room, and I told her.

I was in floods of tears. I get choked up whenever I have to even think the word, and telling an auntie who I have known and loved for years was so surreal. I felt detached and agonisingly in the moment.

Even harder? When Mum came in and asked why I was crying.

So I told her. In hysterics, barely able to get a word out. I was waiting for her to blame herself, waiting for her to feel awful about it… She folded me in a huge hug, and I felt another hand stroking my hair.

Yep, my dad had heard me crying and had come to find out what was going on.

So I told him too.

Telling someone three times in one night left me physically and mentally exhausted. I was so tired talking to J on the phone, and I told Y and my friend R who lives in London.

Now, I have my family behind me. Now, I know that if I wake crying in the middle of the night after a nightmare, or a sensory hallucination, or a visual one, they will understand. I can feel free to tell my mum, auntie or dad about why I suddenly panic around strange men, or why I have to snap a band on my wrist occasionally.

I feel liberated. I feel calmer. I feel ready to start a war in my head against the bastard demons that hurt me and make me hate myself. I will not let them win.

I won’t.

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7 comments on “thank you, and a huge box unpacked

  1. You have taken some huge steps here. I can see how you might feel exhausted. I pray you continue to grow in your recovery. Keep up the good work.

  2. Yay you! It was hard to do but now you have an army on your side. One filled with love and support. Because this is not bottled up it is one huge torment released.

    Hugs

  3. […] “thank you and a huge box unpacked” (StarkravingInsanity) – shares the liberation that flowed after opening up about mental health issues. […]

  4. Tertia says:

    I am glad your family was supportive. The truth will indeed set you free (once it’s finished with you…) it’s really hard, but you are releasing things that only poison and stifle your soulf if kept in. Thanks for your honesty!

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