The mall and other things.

Yesterday, we went to the mall. It’s huge- a lot lot bigger than any English shopping centre. The crowds stared and swirled. The noise was infernal. The thing that stopped me running away to cut was my sister. I was beside myself when we got to the food court because of how huge it was and how many people stared at me and my stupid fucking scars.

The voices are adamant about the 5th of September now. I have two weeks left to live.

I don’t think that if I make this, they will give me another chance. I wish I was free of this. I wish I was alive. I wish I was dead.

To everyone who has stuck by me- thank you. I’ve needed all of you, if you stopped by to read, if you commented, liked, or followed, or even if you were there for just one second viewing the title of my latest post- thank you. I couldn’t have staved off the voices for this long without you lot.

To my IM friends- thank gods for you. You have cheered me up when I’ve been past rock bottom, stuck by me when I’ve been negative, and shared hilarity and craziness with me. I love you all lots.

To my friends: I am a terrible friend for not being closer to you all. I love you so much.

To my faerie queen- darling, I never stopped loving you. I crave the touch of your hand. I miss your pretty eyes. I wish I had been less crazy when we met- maybe I could have saved you from your own demons. Sadly, mine are claiming me.

To my best friends- Jesus, I’ll miss you. I wish I wasn’t like this. I love you so so much H, and I wish I was with you. K, I will never forget you accepting that I hear voices and not being bothered. I love you too sis.

To my family- my will is in both journals. I love you more than words can describe.

Sorry to write this, but if the voices win, I need to let everyone know that I love them, and I’m sorry.


36 comments on “The mall and other things.

  1. Howisbradley says:

    Please contact me via I need to know that you are ok. The voices may say September 5, but you don’t have to listen. I know that is much easier said than done, but I don’t know much else to say other than call your doctor ASAP. If you’d like, please feel free to leave your number so we can talk.

  2. When do you next see a therapist?

  3. Howisbradley says:

    My nerves are calmer now

  4. leftylola says:

    I’m very worried, too. I agree that it’s very important to tell your family and therapist when you return home.

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