Deathnote.

WARNING: TRIGGERS AHEAD. Self harm and suicide, plus an image some may find upsetting.

The voices made me do this. I’m cutting elsewhere now because my mum saw the cuts, and was really upset. I feel like they’re winning again. I am worried about what will happen when I will come home.

They want me to attempt again, and I found a note in my journal I had completely forgotten existed. This is what happens when the dark passenger takes over- I lose parts of my memory. Apparently I have until next May to kill myself, or they will come for me and do it themselves. I will be locked away and screaming in my own head as they do it.

They want me to attempt again on the 5th September.

I’m terrified.

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11 comments on “Deathnote.

  1. BreOfficialBlog says:

    Hello Stark, I found your blog after your last post called “What’s Left” and I just had to follow your blog because it really stood out for me and stayed on my mind that day. I read your about me page, your post on August 7th and now I read this post. I didn’t know what to say to you then, and I don’t know quite what to say to you know except you are absolutely no waste of space and that I am here for you. I was scared to write this message out of fear I say the wrong thing but I just couldn’t let fear ( that voice of fear ) get in the way of something important.The fact that you had it in you to post this, I had to say something. This post almost brings me to tears because while I have had my own share of negative voices(mainly myself) talking about how I will fail at things, they aren’t our voices and they never have to be. I hope this doesn’t come across as “weird” but I don’t want you to lose your life. Your life is precious ( you are wonderfully made with amazing potential/purpose) and I am here to tell you that over and over. I’m here to help you with anything I can do and know that you don’t have to go through this alone….you can be helped Stark.

    • BreOfficialBlog says:

      I mean what to say to you now, God Bless

    • Bre- I’m sorry I took so long to get back to you but I was nearly moved to tears with what you wrote. I am touched and grateful for your kind words and I do need a lot of help- please don’t feel you don’t know what to say, but you said it well here. I hope I make it through this alive. I have two more weeks til the 5th.

      • BreOfficialBlog says:

        I feel there is no need to apologize Stark as I am just so glad to see that you got a chance to reply back. You can make it through this alive; it doesn’t have to be the end there.You are in my prayers and again, I’m here for you if you need anything…

      • Thank you so so much. I have a feeling I will need your help a lot when I get back home x

  2. so I have to ask, have you been talking with a therapist about this? some help will get you through it.

    *hugs*

  3. leftylola says:

    This is the stark reality so many of us face in silence: the cutting, the intrusive thoughts, and other horrifying things. I only know you through blogging, but I can tell you’re a beautiful human being. The voices are terrible, beyond terrible. You are not them at all. Talk to someone about this to help get you through and keep blogging if that helps. I’m here with you. ❤

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