I hate my memories.

So on Monday, I remembered something awful about my ex boyfriend. You know, the one that I have written about in my blog, only back then we were still together.
I have no idea how to handle this memory. I am torn up, in pieces, scattered like a sheet of paper, burned and crumbling to pieces. I can’t believe it. I doubt myself, but then the whole sordid thing flashes through my head again and I want to throw up, or cut again, or scream. I can’t believe that so much was so wrong with us that he had to take that as well.
Can someone please, please help me? I’m running out of willpower to keep going with the butterfly challenge because they all flew away now, bar one that is a transfer tattoo and was put on by someone I don’t know. The important ones are gone.
I am sick and tired of life doing this to me. I cannot face another day this shamed, this used.
He scooped the insides out of me and left me bleeding, hollow, soulless, with no self-respect and no pride. I am a void, a dark fathomless chasm.of pain and anxiety and fear and hurt.
I am a broken doll, value spent and gone because of the fine cracks laced through me. What was I ever worth?


2 comments on “I hate my memories.

  1. Howisbradley says:

    Hi Beth, this is Bradley. You clicked “follow” on my blog and I wanted to let you know that if you’d still like to follow my blog you’ll need to go to my new address and click follow again. My address is http://www.howisbradley.com Thank you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s