She is a true friend

I found this waiting for me when I woke up this morning. Sometimes I feel like she is the older sister and I am the younger one.

I had a panic attack and cried myself to sleep last night. My anaesthesia is wearing off- i managed not to self harm again but i think i face a bigger challenge with a shower today. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to get back in bed and die.

I knew this was going to happen. I’ve been dreading today because I’m alone in the house- my mum is taking my gran back to hers down south, dad is at work and my sister is at college. I feel like I’m the weak link here- no job, no house, no car, no prospects and a drain on my parents. Why can i not just be normal? Why is it such an effort to be anything else but down?

I wish I had the answers.

I’ll try and write the rest of my story soon. I know these posts have interrupted it but I needed to vent, and to get up my courage to tell the next part. Thank you for sticking by me, and for following me.

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