First things…

Hi. My name is Stark (well, it isn’t, but we’re going for that for now.) I’m writing this because I’m running out of space for all that writhes around in my head. Please don’t bother reading if you’re looking for sunshine- this is probably not going to be that sunshiney.

I’m mostly using this as a coping tool, to try and sort though the huge amount of shit that is in my head. Please don’t haul me over the coals for my language- this could be the least of our worries! I’m just letting you all know that here be dragons, and I’m way off the edge of the map.

Still with me? Good. Thank you. You’re very kind, and very patient.

I’m writing this, like I said, as a coping tool, but I never mentioned what for. I became pretty severely depressed (again) back in January, and I’ve crashed so hard I’ve had to ask for help for the first time. I never quite realised just how much I rely on being on a high to pull me through some of the events in my life, and I’m seeing just how naked I am now without my defenses around me.

Today was a better day. Yesterday was better than Wednesday. Wednesday was bad, and Tuesday was worse. So essentially, today was better, in a weird, roundabout kind of way.

I’m sorry I’m so blunt, but I’ve reached the point where I have to say what I think, and I have to explain how I feel. Gone is the happy girl with the perma-smile, ready to lock her pain away in Pandora’s boxes and weld the lid shut with more of the same grin. Sorry to be cliched about this, but I have hidden this pain for far too long- jealously guarded it almost, examined its hideousness far away from the throng of the world. It is mine alone to hide, mine to keep… except when it bursts its chain and turns on me, like any savage animal will when locked away too long.

I may not post every day. I’ll try and at least be witty, attempt originality occasionally, and mostly I will explain my head. He who has no sin, please, throw the stone. I’m dying for the bruise.

For now, plot your way round the edge of my map, but try not to fall off. Underneath the edges is truly scary.

Stark.

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9 comments on “First things…

  1. Bonnie at Tarot Salve says:

    Reading backwards, but your latest post sounds like you may have found a dragon-tamer. I hope so. If not, don’t give up. Hoping for the best for you.

  2. starting at the .. well start.

    so depression and anxiety. Medication? (oh I am very nosy πŸ™‚ )

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